You may ask why do I have to write the last page first-so let me give you the reason for doing such a weird turn.
I was asked if I am There and I said Yes,I am There! So the next question was how do you know you are there and then it occurred to me that I have to try telling you how I am there and believe me it is going to be a very tough task for me to get to explain that.
But I am going to try and hope that I am able to give you the right perspective and answers.
On my way I encountered a lot of situations which made me wonder if I will ever reach the desired goal or destination in this life or am I to wait for a few more?
I arrived at the destination few years ago and knew then how difficult it was before I finally made it.
It suddenly occurred to me one fine day that all that I was searching for is there within me and I have been searching like a mad man all my life for that elusive thing called Self Realization!
The term itself is self explanatory but how do I make you understand all that?
Self is that which we really are and Realization is knowing or understanding that!
If it were to be so simple then I would be the king but I am not so here I go again trying hard to make you understand all that I understood suddenly!!!
First the revelations which came to me are responsible for this great effulgence!
Knowing that I am there and making someone else know that is difficult.
How would I explain the taste of sugar to someone who has never seen nor tasted it before? It is as difficult as that.
I realized that all that exists outside of me is not outside at all but inside of me.
When we look at objects which seem different are no longer different but I am one with them.They exist in me only.
I own everything here and there too. I can only perceive them outside of me due to an an aberration only. This is called Maya. She makes us think that all objects are outside of me and they have separate life of their own.
But once I am there I know that all objects that appear outside are unreal and transitory. They change but I am that which does not change at all. So I am permanent. So who is this-I am?
I am that which has everything within me and nothing is outside of me.
Let me take this example of Suresh Rao which looks so much real but all the cells are dying and changing so fast that what I see just now covering me are not there the next moment. What is it that holds me intact then? Maya!!
No one can come and give me a qualification or a certificate that I am there!
I just have to know that and go on from there.
I have to be candid telling you that I had never read any holy or spiritual text in my life and suddenly one fine day I was able to expound on them in a way I could never fathom. Even those who heard me were amazed at this ability of mine.
I do not know how it suddenly came to me.
I could get some strange answers from some unforeseen places and then those instances became a sort of deja vu for me. I really was perplexed and never could make head nor tail of that.
Just by the touch of my hand the person in front of me could go in a trance state and how she or he could do that was beyond my ken!
I could commune with some strange deities and ask them for some answers and lo they were there for me.
There was no knowledge beyond my understanding in the spiritual.
There were no questions arising but there were all answers for the ones which were put to me.
My entire life revolved around the strange world of the spiritual.
I got up thinking about the spiritual, read all day long on that,expounded all day long on that, never had thoughts about any other thing except that,prayed most of the time, wanted to visit holy places, the urge to be one with that Supreme is tremendous, working for that One is very high, writing books on that One, teaching about Him, Singing songs about Him, bhajans, kirtans and reading so much that my day was insufficiant for that act.
The charge of that sweet Goddess within me was driving me nuts. Kundalini surges through me all the time.I was not aware of it at all but when it became too difficult for me I reached out to doctors too and they couldn't explain. Finally Dipti could tell me that it was the Kundalini shakti and it was going beserk. I couldn't control that energy flow at all in the beginning, but now I could.
My inner being constantly spoke of just going away from all this material world.
I walked out three times and all those times I was drawn back by the words of my Guru and some strange urges.
I have not yet finished here but I have a lot more to tell but since I am tired now I shall stop but I will tell you more about it.
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